Growing Up a Pastor's Kid

When I was a kid I was told that pastor kids are notorious for being wild, being wild, doing drugs, straying from God, and being sexually liberal. I was confident that would never become any of those things because to me serving God was EVERYTHING my entire life revolved around church regardless of whether i liked it or not. Now I'm 36 and I've done everything but the drugs XD. However it didn't happen all at once it was a slow burn as my family bonds and values began to fall apart. 

My Dad started pastoring in November 1997 in a little storefront in Naugatuck, CT. It was a humble church and I have a lot of good memories but many bad memories in that church too. The biggest thing about church for me was the fact that we didn't miss days. 

Our schedule went like this:

• Sunday: 10am service (sometimes a second service at 4pm)
• Tuesday: Bible study
• Friday: Prayer
• Saturday: Praise Team practice somedays we were here for 8 hours a day

Bruh none of these FUCKING DAYS WERE OPTIONAL. LET ME TELL YOU NONE OF THESE WERE OPTIONAL EVEN WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER. 

My parents have anxiety and were just afraid that we couldn't be alone in our the house. I'm not even joking about that I remember having a babysitter at 14 years old because they just didn't trust me. I didn't give them a reason not to trust me but my parents are just horrible in terms that they say you're smart, confident, but don't back it up with actions. 

My Dad was strict back then and would use corporal punishment not because we were bad but because he felt he needed too. I don't remember why he would do it just I just remember begging my mother not to go to work because of how bad the beatings used to be. We would go to Tuesday night bible study and then Eventually she threatened to leave my father if she ever did. My Dad mostly kept that promise, and rarely beat us. We did our best to not provoke him because he was a very angry and sometimes disturbed individual.

I digress church would go as normal the only thing of note is that my parents really refused to let me not go to children's church. I was tired of it and I went to children's church until i turned 18 XD. Keep in mind that at my age I was a drummer, i built computers, ran the sound system, and make the videos for each service. I was pretty smart as a child and well to do but my parents didn't want to treat me like an adult.

They would give some bullshit answer that I needed to protect my sister in case the teachers are predators but if that's the case why did you hire them? However I don't want you to focus on that but keep that in the pocket this will be important for later ;). 

When I became a teenager is where things got bad my parents marriage started to deteriorate and my Dad became more antagonistic. Throughout my childhood I was a VERY happy child and for some reason that always made him mad. I remember my Dad would be yelling at me and telling me to stop smiling but I couldn't help it. On the inside I was actually terrified of him hitting me again but I just kept smiling through it. 

I think that's why I don't smile as much as I used to and I can't say my Dad took my happiness away from me. I wouldn't let him do that to me ever but it gave me a sort of coldness to me that I have. When I went to college my family absolutely went to shit after a while going home for the holidays were horrible.

I got a job luckily the day I graduated and I had one goal to make enough money to leave. I ended up running back to Boston, MA. I can tell you have many regrets moving to Boston the jobs i worked, the women I dated, and even not buying Bitcoin.

I was more concerned with escaping my Dad going back to Jenny and we had a falling out which left me broke, destitute and forced me to move back in with my parents. I had to legit build myself back up to move back out it took over 8 years to get back. If you want to revisit read here if you want the entire story but this article is long enough. 

What I believe

I have to honestly say I believe in Karma but I'm mostly an atheist or at best an agnostic. I do play at a baptist church and if they find this and rat me out. It is what it is. I don't hate Christians but I don't believe in God in the same passionate way I did as a kid. Not to mention the people that I trusted destroyed my belief in God a very long ago. 

There are certain people in my life that "God called" to be pastors, preachers. All I have to say, if God called them it proves God is not real or isn't trustworthy. Part of me wants to so badly want to believe in God but I've been let down so much I just can't anymore. 

Conclusion

My biggest reason for now being a Christian is when I come to church I get:

• are you going to become a pastor?
• How is your sister doing?
• How are your parents?

Never hey Tim how are you doing what are you getting up to. I answer politely I'm not an asshole but I'm more than a vessel that exists to continue the Brantley Lineage I want to make my own comics, and movies. I love playing video games and am a good musician. I want to be seen as my own person not as someone who exists as a descendant of my Dad. 

The hardest thing about me not being a pastor is, that if I don't become one essentially I break the cycle of abuse in my family, but tradition. My dad, grandfather and great grand father were all well known pastors in CT, Florida, and North Carolina respectfully. None of them are "mega" pastors by any means but they are known in their little pockets. 

I want to be my own person and I plan to do that :). I know I don't post on this blog as often as I should but I hope you have enjoyed watching the construction of this blog. I remember when this entire thing was legit just one page and a list of all my links. I plan to bring you not only more blogs but more importantly improve my drawing. 

I've been focusing more on music lately I'll work on posting them online to show you what I can really do. I'm actually pretty fucking good actually :3. However I need to work on my drawing I have a dream and it's about time you all see what I'm capable of.